Housing Dilemma: Part Dos

OFF BASE ESTATES:

  

When you live off base, you enter the land of two car garages, kitchen islands, bay windows, and bathrooms big enough to do a two-step before entering a walk-in closet.  You take crazy-level delight at simple things, like refrigerators with ice dispensers, linen closets, and floors that are not the color of dirty underwear.  

But with a cost.  And without the brownies.  

Unless you are lucky enough to live in a hood with other military folk, you most likely walk out of your house on a pretty day and wonder "Where the people at?".  Garage doors are shut, curtains drawn, with no signs of life anywhere.  You have to make a concerted effort to meet people.  It may also be more difficult to volunteer; many schools or organizations already have a well oiled machine in place and outsiders are not always welcomed.  You just have to keep trying and find your niche.  

Sometimes you honestly have no choice about where you live.  Either the wait list is too long, there is no wait list because there is no housing, or the housing is soooo bad you can't stomach living in such a place.  Case in point:  I discovered I do have a low point which I won't cross when an on base house we toured had mouse turds all over the counter.  And so did the other five houses we looked at.

Ummm...no thanks.  I'll take my chances out in the wild.  

You do have privacy, though, and if you want to be incognito, this is the life for you.  Also when you live off base, you experience the culture and life of that area because it surrounds you.  You are more apt to visit museums, local art festivals, and live like a local...all valuable opportunities you may not get again.  You rediscover that not only are you a military family, but a FAMILY, and sometimes it is nice to remove the military part from the equation and pretend you don't have to move every 2-4 years.

Sometimes it is nice to just be.

Next week:  
A recap and your comments about housing.  Are you an on base or off base person????  Let me know!

Housing Dilemma: Part I

dilemma:  n.  a situation where someone has to choose between two or more possible actions, each of which will bring difficulties

There are two kinds of people in the Air Force:  those that prefer to live on base and those that prefer off base. And before anyone spouts off about which is better or worse, they need to have experienced both.  Don't brag about the awesomeness of your square footage or huge lot is if you haven't also known the awesomeness of living in your own gated community of military peeps.

I have experienced both.  Lived on base for three assignments and getting ready to live off base for a third time.  But I am a bit biased, because I just love me some living on base.  However, I will do my best to give pros and cons for both.

ON BASE UTOPIA:

Imagine it...people who have the same interests, commonality, aspirations...all living together in sub-par space and questionable wiring/plumbing.  You do it for the experience, sometimes for the schools, convenience, and camaraderie that can only be described as misery loves company.  And that company usually welcomes you with baked goods.

Oh sure, some military installations have brand new housing.  Brand new built by the lowest bidder.  I will always take the archaic home that dates back to the time of Moses over new housing.  Old homes have weathered plagues, countless attacks by mother nature, and a bajillion families yet are still standing.  Ain't much me or mine can do to bring the walls down.  New housing ALWAYS, and I mean always, has issues.  Like when you hit your light switch, your neighbor's fan turns on.  Or concrete stuck in the water line to the washer, located nicely on the second floor near the bedrooms, causes water to overflow, flood the upstairs, and the ceiling below to collapse into the two car garage and subsequently on your car.

Living on base means living in a small community.  Everywhere you go are friendly faces, or unfriendly depending on your current situation.  You may not have a lot of privacy, but that gates swings both ways...neighbors may know your dirt, but they also know when you need help.

Rest assured, the one time you are dolled up and feeling fine, no one sees you.  But when you have been up for 36 hours with a puking baby, the water main on your street has burst, and you need to run to get water from the commissary, you will see everyone and their mom.   You attend church, play sports, go to school, and live next to the same people. Forget six degrees of separation...it is more like 1.5 when you live on base.

But I like all that.  I like that I know I can be late, for whatever reason, and that my kids aren't in danger of abduction because I am not there to welcome them home from school.  That my neighbor and husband have worked the same job so we can bitch about laundry and absurd schedules.  That there are families on my street whose active duty member is deployed and they don't have to feel alone...that we have all been there or are about to be. I like how even if I run into people at the commissary when I look horrible, they ask how I am, and honestly want to know the answer.  I like how my husband can ride his bike to work in five minutes.  And he can come home for lunch.  I like not paying utilities or lawn care. I love when my kids start a new school on base and every other kid has been in their shoes and can commiserate.

Mostly I love how doors are always open.  Both literally and figuratively.   It takes a village to raise this military spouse.

 

Tomorrow....OFF BASE PARADISE

Down with the Sickness

My one source of personal income is substitute teaching.  And every winter I sub the most due to teachers getting sick from the kids.  Which means I, in turn, get sick as well.  It is a job hazard I can't avoid.

As long as I am not completely miserable, I don't mind getting sick...it is the only way I get to slow down around this place.

In January I was waylaid for a week.  Two weeks ago I dealt with a cold and kept right on trucking. Yesterday I felt like crap and parked my low grade fevered hiney on the couch and watched Emma and Gone With the Wind.  This sickness, however, has crappy timing.  Justin has a very busy week, I am supposed to have a busy week, we are in the midst of buying a house, my eldest is homesick at Space Camp, and my youngest is a mess without his big brother.

While watching Justin run in and out of the house taking care of all the 'mom' things, I gave him the compliment, "You are glue that keeps this operation working," thinking it would make him quit huffing and puffing over the inconvenience of my illness.  Deep down I know that I am the glue that keeps this operation working, but foolishly thought he would appreciate the ego boost.

Instead of the "thanks, baby, I hope you feel better" response I was looking for, I was given, "Seriously...what would happen to this place if I got sick?"

Seriously?  Seriously???

You mean like when you had shoulder surgery last year and were physically worthless for two months?  Or how about all the times you are TDY and I do all of this without another adult attempting to boost my ego?  Or when you were deployed?  Ass.

Yes, gentle reader, I said all that.  And because he loves me, he ignored all that and folded three loads of laundry and began two more.  He also called when leaving baseball practice to see if there was anything I needed from the store.

Oh yeah, sometimes I am indeed down with the sickness.

Magnets and More

Couple things on my mind today.  Both have me wondering, "Really?"  (Emphasizing that question mark on the end with a downward tilting head and the muscles on the right side of my face up.)

Hot Topic #1:  State employees are deciding (by not deciding) to shut down the government.  And the paychecks for those that are "essential".  Really?  The one plus side to all the moving, deployments, TDYs, and stess was that we always had a paycheck coming in.  What is wrong on so many levels is how those same state employees on both sides of the tug-o-war will still receive their paycheck while deciding we don't need ours.  Convenient.  While this "shut down" may only be temporary, explain that to the 20yr old airmen deployed in Afghanistan whose pregnant wife has no money to pay their rent back here in the states.  Are they making her a meal to ease her distress?  Are they realizing the implications of their non-actions?  Do they realize the number of teachers at Department of Defense schools who won't get paid either?  Or how about this shutdown also affects civilian clergy at military installations...like how our priest won't be able to lead the First Communion class in receiving the sacrament this Saturday due to legal constraints, something the class has been working towards for nine months. But you guys go ahead and prove "your" point.  We will try to suppress the desire to egg your homes to prove ours.

Hot Topic #2:  Magnet Schools here in Montgomery are a necessity.  You'd think your teenager was attending Harvard when looking at the cost of private schools in the area or how difficult it is to be accepted into magnet schools.  Like most military installations, we aren't in the most affluent, newest, or cleanest part of town so the public schools zoned for base aren't the best.  Where there's no money, there's no good schools.  Kinda messed up.  To add insult to injury, no kid leaving the base elementary school sixth grade was accepted into the magnet middle school.  Really? That includes the base commander's and the three star general's kid, so at least we can say they weren't playing favorites.  All are extremely bright, articulate, and many play multiple instruments or have artistic talent in drawing or dancing.  This is bad news.  Especially when many military families cannot afford the private school tuition.  If the Air Force wants people to live on base, there need to be options.

Luckily for us, is there is a way to do something about this issue.  If you have been stationed here and would like to help by composing a letter with your support to install a seventh and eighth grade on base, please do so.  I will find out to whom the letter should be addressed and where, but please begin your plea to help other  military families.

And feel free to comment away about how much HT#1 stinks.  It will make me feel better to know others have an issue with this issue!

Sleep Patterns

There are two different sleep patterns in this house.

My bedtime routine is pretty much the same every night:  check house and garage that all doors are closed and locked, chairs pushed in, dishes in dishwasher, recently washed clothes in dryer, toys picked up, blankets folded, pillows arranged, to-do list ready, boys' bathroom light on, boys tucked in, check emails, brush teeth, think about washing face, change clothes, get into bed and open a book.

Justin tucks in the boys, showers, brushes his teeth, changes clothes, and pretty much starts REM cycle within 10 seconds of shutting his eyes.

Once we are asleep, it is a different story.  Only the sound of my children crying will awaken me; a mouse farting snaps Justin into action.  If I am prematurely woken up, I am wide awake and takes me a good hour to fall back asleep; he can handle a puking dog and be back in dreamland within minutes.  So he handles most nighttime emergencies.  He doesn't do this out of love for his awesome wife...he does this because otherwise he has to put up with the dreaded light.

What light, you ask?

I have to read to silence the voices in my head before I can drift off to dream; my husband merely needs to be horizontal.  Used to be my bedside table would supply the light necessary for me to read.  This same light also made it difficult for my light sleeping husband to fall or stay asleep.

Each night after crawling into bed, he'd give me a soft kiss. I'd say "I love you," and he'd gently reply, "I love you too...but I'd love you a whole lot more if you'd turn off that f'ing light,"  then roll over in a huff and slam a pillow over his head.  I would laugh and laugh and laugh.

While he was deployed, I told my visiting cousin and her husband about our nighttime routine.  We had a good chuckle at my funny husband.  When Justin returned from Iraq, my cousin sent him the best welcome home gift ever:  a book light for me.

I can honestly say that book light (and the fact he handles household nighttime emergencies) has saved our marriage.

Spouse Spotlight: Becky McAleenan

Ever wonder why things happen the way they happen?

While moving from Alabama to Florida in 2003, we were homeless for two months, backed out of buying two houses, lived off generosity of friends and family, and finally found a house that "would do".  I now know all that chaos was so that we would meet the McAleenan family.  They had just PCS'd also. Only from Italy.  Jerks.  

As you will read below, they were lucky enough to retire in their hometown.  We were lucky enough to live next to them and become part of their wonderfully warped, twisted, large, and loving family, whom we love as much as our own. They kept me afloat during Justin's deployment. They introduced us to Relay for Life and Murder Mystery Dinners.  

Sonny Bono, Kung Foo Fighter, Don't Ask, and Yes, that's His Own Chest Hair
AKA Becky, Mike, me, and Justin

We have shared many laughs, tears, beers, inside jokes, and conversations we can't repeat.  We have seen each other at our best and at our worst.

We love us some McAleenans.

So world, meet Becky.  Becky, the floor is yours (as usual...hahahahahaha): 

Hometown: Rockledge FL, also my current hometown… 

What you love about your hometown: I love that everybody knows everybody.  I love the $1 picnic on July 4^th, where people dress in red/white/blue and eat ice cream at the park.  I love the family atmosphere and the small town ambiance.  I love that Rockledge is not a destination, it’s a place to live.  And, there’s the weather and close proximity to the beach.

College and degrees obtained:  After only 20 years, I finally earned my bachelor of science in elementary education.  I think, however, that military spouses should receive an honorary Masters of Spousery upon the retirement from the military.  (I believe the “dependent” retires just like the active duty person, because BOTH serve 24/7)

What did you do in your past life (pre-military spouse):  Well, my “past life” story is pretty short.  Mike and I were high school sweethearts, so one year after I graduated from high school, we got married and ran off to see the world.  I have donned many hats:  cake baker, gourmet food store worker, McDonald’s Crew Chief, Office Mgr, Attendance Clerk, Substitute teacher, Personal Asst for special needs children, Insurance Adjuster Billing Clerk, transcriptionist… butcher, baker, candle-stick maker?  

Years married: June 29^th will be 27 years married… plus 4 dating… J 

Years as a military spouse:  27 years… aka forever.

Kids and how many:  I have two incredibly fabulous children!  One, however, is no longer a child to anyone but me…our daughter, K, is soon 23 yrs old and graduating from the University of South Florida.  She will graduate with a BA in speech/language pathology and will continue on to grad school somewhere undecided… our son, N, is 12 yrs old and working hard not to make us nuts in 7^th grade.  They are almost exactly 10 years apart – by choice… not by accident. J  It has been wonderful to have 2 only children.

How they react to moving:  K, in my rose-colored glasses, loved moving!   I think she handled the moves very well, until the last 2 which were difficult for all of us.  As they get older, their friendships grow deeper and it just hurt to say goodbye.  Those last 2 were hard on all of us.  N, he was so young that he just rolled along.  When we landed here, our last base, K proclaimed this “our final resting place” and said we could move if we wanted, but she was officially done.  So sayeth K.  We all agreed and here we are.

Number of moves: 8 assignments… a few relocations in the same town.

Deployments:  Define deployment?  There were jobs where Mike was gone M-F and returned for Sat/Sun for 9 months, he went to Saudi Arabia for 4 months, he went TDY all the time… but the longest was the 4 months.  Those short trips away are the secret to a long, happy marriage. J

Dream retirement location:  We are close to our dream location.  We want to live closer to the water.  Mike prefers the ocean, I want the river… there will certainly be some compromising down the road, but we will always be here in Brevard County… we need to see all the launches and keep our tans going. 

Current job:  My current job is substitute teaching.  At least that’s the job I get paid for.  I do that 2 days a week at my discretion.  I have other jobs that are unpaid, as most everyone I know does.  I am Team Development for our Relay for Life event, I am team captain for our family/friends team called Wine-ing For A Cure for the past several years, I am Advancement Chair for Nick’s Boy Scout Troop of 28 boys, and if there is any time left after that… I clean my house.

Hobbies:  I think my hobby is traveling.  I love to see new places and try new things. I don’t have a regular activity that I do… I think I have ADD in that regard.  I love to cook, and I love being a mom. I do enjoy people watching… is that a hobby?  I like to figure out what makes people do the stuff they do, why they act the way they do, and then look for some compassionate way to feel about them.  I don’t always find it, but I keep looking.

    

Your strengths and weaknesses:   I think my weakness is my mouth.  It’s always open.  I know it, and anyone who knows me knows it, too.  Not always a bad thing, but I am working on being a listener more than the other. Mike would say I hold a grudge, but is that a weakness…?  ;)   I think I am a good people person.  I love how everyone is just a little different than me.  I think I surround myself with very strong women friends, and they keep me fresh.  I am a good friend to those I love, and am trying to be a better sister/daughter to catch up on all the years we missed growing up apart. I think I have a good sense of humor, which often gets me in trouble.  I am passionate about my causes… like Relay for Life.  I bleed purple, I think.  I am not afraid to tell people why I Relay and why they should too.  I am a strong advocate for the things I believe in.  I believe Cancer Sucks, and needs to be a disease of the past – like Polio.

Have you ever gone cow tipping?  Not that I remember! 

The moving van just caught on fire…what three things would you want to save:  I used to think my “things” were so important, but as I get older I realize I don’t need that stuff as much.  I would want to save my photos, my kids’ baby books and mementos and my Granny’s Family Bible.

Are you superstitious and if yes, how so:  I think bad things happen in 3s so I watch out for that.  But I am a firm believer that there is a path pre-determined for my life and when it’s my time… it’s my time. I strongly believe in karma and what you put out there, you will receive many times over.

Favorite quote:  You can plan the plan, but you can’t plan the outcome.  By John McAleenan (that's her father-in-law)

Biggest regret:  I try to live with little or no regrets, but I regret that we didn’t make it back to FL before John McAleenan passed away.  I regret that I didn’t make it back for my childhood friend’s wedding because I had to work.  I will never make that choice again…

Five most important things in your life:  My family and being a mom is very important to me.  The friends I can’t imagine never having met -- My Chosen Family.  My Granny Necklace that my mom and sister have as well. It makes me feel loved to wear it.  My health is important to me, and I’m coming to grips with the fact that I may actually have to exercise one of these days… and time alone is important to me as I get older.  I like just being with me. 

Where you were on 9/11:  We lived in a small Italian town called Porcia, outside of Aviano Air Base.  Mike was TDY to Saudi Arabia.  It was surreal to come home from the bus stop and see it on the Today Show.  We just sat mesmerized by the images until the phone rang from the base telling us to stay inside and not come to the base.  Mike called 2 days later when he could.  We never felt in danger in our home.  Our Italian neighbors all came over and hugged me and asked about Mike.  It was nice knowing they were there.  Watching the base transform to a high level of security with HumVees and M-16s on every soldier was intimidating but soon became our new norm.  Weird, weird times.

What makes you proud to be a military spouse:  I always loved being a military spouse.  I think it’s the coolest, most elite group of people in the world.  Who else gives themselves so freely to everyone else? Who else gives up their career to support their spouse?  Who else laughs at wimpy women who complain because their husbands are going fishing for the weekend and they are scared?  Who else digs in deep and fast and makes such an impact on a place in just 3 yrs!?  Military spouses reach out, they care about each other, they “get it”.  I miss that a lot.

What makes you sad about being a military spouse:  I don’t think I was ever sad about being a spouse.  I was sad to leave or say “see you later” to friends, but I always loved being a “sponge”.

What you would like people to know about military spouses:  I would like people to know that housing is not “free”.  Medical care is not “free”.  I would like people to appreciate how scary it can be for a spouse to go to Iraq or Afghanistan, several times, even if that’s their career field.  I would like people to thank the ones who stay behind to keep it all going.  I would like people to know that military spouses don’t ask for sympathy, they would just like you to understand that they are proud of their spouse regardless of who is sitting in the White House.

  

I would like people who are considering this crazy lifestyle to know that military families are a special breed.  If stress and chaos freak you out, you’ll get used to it. If moving and meeting new people seems like an impossible task to do every 3 years, reach out and ask another spouse where the best grocery store is, the best hairdresser and pediatrician. It’s an adventure!   It’s sort of like a secret society – a sisterhood.  It’s like a great, big OJT program!!   Wouldn’t trade that time for anything. 

Whew.

Miss you, Becky!  

If you would like to donate to Becky's Relay for Life team, or find out more info about what all the hubbub is about, check it out at:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11FL?px=8301576&pg=personal&fr_id=29767

Happy Friday, everyone!

And remember, if you would like to be in the spotlight, or would like to nominate someone, comment during the week.