Simile: moving and babies

n.  a comparision of one thing to another


We are currently house hunting for our upcoming move this summer.  Enjoy.

Military moves are like childbirth.

1. Both are due to my husband.
His job as an active duty dude moves us all over the place. I would not choose to do this all on my own, but seeing as how I chose to marry him, I accept the consequences.

While both our boys look remarkably like me, I am not asexual and did not grow them simply by wishing to have two mini-male-mes roaming the planet.

2. Both have an anticipatory time frame.
In October, we knew a move was in our future, so we have been sitting on this info for a good five months.  Then we found out where and much like finding out the sex of a baby, an unknown factor is removed from the equation. Excitement followed by thrill and a sense of relief knowing that the "I don't know where we will be going" or "pink or blue" question is answered.

3. Fear and uncertainty are in direct relation to the impending date.
It is amazing how quickly anxiety rises in proportion to the time frame as the move/birth date approaches. Questions that you were as cool as a cucumber about only weeks before suddenly become the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER.

Suddenly you realize logistics are a crucial aspect to life. "This baby has to come out of where???" What once seemed a natural part of being a woman takes on a whole different feeling when you realize there is no turning back. The fact that the fetus is putting enormous pressure on your nether regions is a daily reminder that yes, it will indeed come out of there.

Armed only with the knowledge of a move, I was as cool as a cucumber.  Now the list of questions:  buy/rent, neighborhoods, schools, sports, church, traffic....suddenly seemed as urgent and pressing as the 9 and 10 lbs. babies did on my pelvic ligaments. Everywhere I turn I see things that needed to get done in order to make the move less painful. Things would be sooooo much easier if we didn't move. Nope, that's it. We aren't moving.

Denial is a wonderful sedative. While not as tasty as beer, it is one I continue to use often.

4. There is a rush of relief as soon as it is over.
Once things get under way and are completed, there isn't a whole lot you can do. There is the crash from adrenaline that makes everything a-o-kay. I don't know how many times, after both events, I simply said, "Whatever" and meant it.

I could have received a call from the moving line telling me the semi truck carrying all our worldly possessions spontaneously burst into flames and I would have said "whatever". Out of my hands. What is done is done.  Now you can only imagine the damage on the other end. 

Similar to after giving birth. You are stuck there. Not a whole lot you can do about it now but sit back and wait for reason 5.

5. Reality strikes.
note: the word acceptance here could also have been used, but after comparing both words in my dictionary, adaptation seemed a better fit since acceptance usually arrives with contractions and the moving truck
After the initial shock wears off, we human being have the amazing ability to adapt. Change can be good. Keeps us on our toes and broadens our horizons.

I learned soon after childbirth that washing my hair every day was overrated. Same goes for brushing it, too. And was okay with that. I grew to enjoy the peaceful moments with my baby.  Life took on a different pace.  I focused on being a good wife and mother, well, with the exception of being Ursa the unkempt hairy beast.  Instead of the hectic world of earning a paycheck, I entered the chaotic and upredictable world of parenting.


6.  Forgetfulness

Accompanied by migraines, my usual freak-out occurs about a month after a move.  My world is turned upside down with each PCS similar to when a child is born. I have no official role other than tour guide/social director for my family since we are normally living in a hotel and it is difficult continue with my job as domestic engineer.  Hubby has already started work which keeps him gone for long hours learning the ropes. I am stressed out, aimless and restless. Prime breeding ground for a migraine and an irrational Heidi. What the heck am I to do???

I vividly recall curling up with my first son weeks after he was born on my bed at 4pm every afternoon to watch Oprah. The term watch is used loosely. I could not tell you about a single episode, guest, or discussion that took place on her show. I was too busy weeping. Not bawling, crying, or simpering. But weeping. I was never going to be just me again. I had this little being that just ate, pooped, and puked on me. I lost my identity and my world was upside down. Yikes. What am I going to do???

With childbirth, I pushed for FOUR hours and needed help from a vacuum extractor to get my first son out.  And yet over a year later, I wanted another baby.  Was I mental?  Forgetfulness is a powerful weapon life plays on us.  Did I not remember the hormones, sleepless nights, and always smelling of spoiled milk?

I continue to accept the unavoidable military lifestyle of moving every 2-4 years.  Am I nuts?  Do I not remember how we all turn into head cases for the first two months?  How I hate unpacking?  How I hate having to reidentify myself and find a new happiness each place we move?  Why do we not revolt and set the moving truck on fire ourselves?  Why do we not have a sit in and chant, "Heck no, we won't go!"?

There is a part of the brain missing in moms.  Please, if you know, don't tell what part it is.  That kind of awareness I honestly don't want to possess.  Ignorance is bliss.  Just like forgetfulness for military spouses is an art form that needs no cure.  Ask any military family: sometime around the two-year mark, they get the itch to move.  It is a sickness.  There should be a twelve-step program. 

7. Adaptation

After a baby is in the house, you adapt to new routines all the time because life would be waaaay toooo easy if babies always wanted/needed the same things.  No, they continue to change and grow and you need to adapt with them.  As a mother, if 'flexible' is not one of your character traits, you are in big trouble.  That is a word I have already added to my resume. Not trouble, but flexible.

New moves create new routines. My husband's job differs depending on his assignment and so my roles change, too.  This year he makes the coffee, gets breakfast for the boys, helps with homework, and is around all the stinkin' time.  Next year will be completely different with most domestic duties falling solely on my shoulders once again.  It is all about remaining flexible to differing situations.  I won't may not like it, but I will ADAPT.  And end up liking it, dammit.

Adventures occur with military moves.  So do new friends and experiences.  Same with babies.  We all learn to roll with life's punches, not to sweat the small stuff, and survive with war stories to tell.  And soon forget the pain.


Well, at least until the next move!